Leading a Godly Family.

America has been deemed a Christian nation since its founding, but over the years there seems to be a driving force in society that wants that title to disappear.

John Adams taught "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." The moral fiber of a nation can always be broken down to its basest unit: the family! Individual families make up a community, communities make cities, cities make states, and states make the nation.

The Best thing for this nation is to see that the families continue to rise to a higher standard of morality. How can we accomplish this? The fathers need to take their place at the head of the family and lead them as God would have them. When the family ought to gather for dinner, where are the fathers? When we should be teaching our families how to kneel together and give thanks to God for all that we have been blessed with, what do we allow to take up that time? When we should be reading God’s word, what other form of entertainment are we caught up in? Do we take the time as a family to do service for others? Do we use the weekends to gather our families and take them to church with us? (or do they go without us) Are we sharing the truths that we have learned from God’s law and showing how to live by that word? Are we man enough to let others know that we are religious, even when we are around those who might seem indifferent? Hiding who we are, (children of God) our wasting to much of our time, or neglecting our duty to teach and spend time with our family will not aid us in creating a better nation.

Many women have taken the role of head of the house too often in the spiritual well-being of the family. But when the fathers do not step into that role, the results will be minimal. The father is the driver, the disciplinarian, or the wedge which can keep the rest of the family from rallying around the standard of truth. Let us all find within ourselves the strength to improve our families and that of our friends’ families, and we will once again become a great nation that can say, "In God We Trust."

Trying to Raise A Good Man.

Good men are not born.... they are raised! If the truth be known, there aren't many being raised anymore. This is because "society" is dead set against the attributes that are found in good men. You can see this in the entertainment, education, and peer influences that our children face. Why should I allow hollywood to encourage my son sleep with as many women as he can, with no sight of a moral compass around? Why should I allow my son to be swayed to be a liar or a cheat because his friends teach him that it is normal? Or why should I allow my son to be taught the secular philosophies of the current public education systems? (or for that matter allow them to set up role models like Charles Darwin or George Bernard Shaw instead real role models like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson!) I have blogged about the need to teach our children when they are young, in order to give them a strong foundation. I wish to share with you some of the things I try and will be trying to teach to my sons. ( I hope these things will give him the foundation strong enough to stand against all that the world will try to corrupt him with.)

1st Honesty,(what a building block) honesty brings so many blessings. It is the makings of honour, it makes you trustworthy, and shows you are credible. I truly do believe the saying "It is better to be trusted than to be loved." (David O. McKay) I hope that my son would make this his motto. It is hard not to love a son, even when they aren't obedient. But trust will bring endearment and even love.

2nd Chastity, not only for him personally, but I hope that I can instill in him the importantance of how to treat the gentler gender. Of all the things a man could steal in this world, the worst is the virtue of a young lady. It is the one thing you could never return! I would also try to show him in all my actions how he ought to be chivalrous. (a lost art.)

3rd faith, he needs to learn that there is a higher power than himself, this is why I would teach him about his father's faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. All of us will be lost until we come to a realization of Deity and our relationship to him. I believe that this would be the most important bit of knowledge I could impart to him. It will be the key for most of his interaction with the rest of humanitiy.

There are a whole host of other items I would love to teach him: Loyality, Kindness, Respectfulness, Cleanilness, and Charity. He should learn those things which are worth fighting for: Wife, Children,Life, Liberty, Property, and every other God given right, including the freedom to worship God. There seems like so much to share and yet so little time to do it in. I guess the best part about trying to raise a good man, is making sure I set a good example.

The Most Important Decision You Will Ever Make!

The most important decision you will ever make in your life, will be the decision about the person you choose to marry! Many may balk at the thought of this. With all of life's important decisions, how could someone narrow it down to one person? The truth of the matter is: all the decisions we make lead up to the choice of who we will marry. Once we have chosen a mate it then affects every decision we make there after. Some of the best advice I ever received, I now wish to share with you. (If you have already married hopefully this will help remind you why you fell in love. If you are looking to get married, or are single and one day will be married, please consider taking this seriously.)
The sage advice that I was given so many years ago was this.... "People do not contemplate who they want to marry." Many times people date because they want to get married, but they don't think before hand "I want to date you because you are who I want to marry." Allow me to clarify this concept a little. It is a true saying "You marry who you date," for it is impossible to marry someone that you don't date. (Unless you are into arranged marriages or reality TV shows.) So if that saying is true, wouldn't it make sense to only date those who you want to marry? ....Of course it does! Now comes the next part of the advice I was given, "make a complete list of all the things you want in a wife and a list of some of the things you absolutely couldn't have in a wife." The reasoning was that if you wrote out what you wanted in a wife, you would spend your time dating those people who best fit that description- and vice versa you wouldn't waste time with those who were not what you wanted in marriage.
I was married at a relatively young age, I believe I was 22 years old. I made my list when I was 18 years old. In order to really know what I did and didn't want in a "wife", (and having never been married before) I looked at those marriages around me that were happy and unhappy. I selected traits from all these women based on how happy those traits made their husbands. Also, I told myself I would never marry a woman who treated her husband the way some of these women did. Some of them had terrible bad habits that made me embarrassed for their husbands (at the same time I was doing reconnaissance on the type of woman I wanted to marry, I was also scoping out the traits of men I wanted to emulate, both as a husband and a father). No one can make a list for you, it must cater to your needs, personality, and desires. Finally, I had my list together. Had anyone ever read it, I am sure they never would have thought that I could marry the girl I was looking for! I had such things on my list as "I want a girl that I have know for a long time....If I have meet her recently we would need to date for 5 years." (yeah right who would be that patient.) "I want a girl who is athletic....she doesn't have to be pro she just has to like wanting to play with me (sports that is). I wanted a girl who was comfortable in the outdoors, yet at the same time someone who liked staying home and watching movies. I wanted someone who sang and played the piano. Someone who was blond, but who also would change their hair color just for fun. (Isn't that Rebecca to a T.) I wanted a girl that belonged to the same church as me. It was a must that she was debt free when we got married. She had to be thrifty, yet I also wanted her trendy. I wanted a girl who felt the same way I did about how to discipline our children. Physically, I wanted her to be very curvy in all the right places. I wanted her to be a girl that would workout to keep her body in shape. (Child-bearing not included.) I wanted someone who wanted around the same number of children I did. I did not want a girl who was vulgar. I did not want a girl who could not be a lady in public. Nor did I want a girl who would belittle her husband in public or private. Did I want a girl who thought it was her job to have children but someone else's job to raise or educate them? NO. Did I want to marry a girl who's political views were going to be opposed to my own? NO. Did I want to marry a girl who had no mothering instinct at all? NO. And now you have gotten a small glimpse of what my list might have looked like.
I have known my wife since I was 3 years old, yet I still didn't know when I made my list that she would fulfill 100% of everything I ever wanted. I believe if more people would take the time to find out who they want to marry and then date only those people who are meeting those requirements, people would not only know who to marry, but fewer people would want a divorce from that person. A word to the wise, If you don't put it on your list then it must not have been that important. Remember your spouse will not be perfect, and you can't expect her to be. So include all those things that you must have, and those thing that you cant stand. Then any other little thing: just learn to let it go.

Don't let your passion's consume you!

Did you know that in the Greek language they use five different words to convey the meaning of the word Love? I kind of like this because I say that I love hot dogs and that I love my children, but I don't feel the same way about the two. Sometimes when we talk about things we love,we mean things we are passionate about. Passion does not need to be looked on as a bad emotion; it can often be a great driving force. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Do my passions consume my life?"
All of us need to focus on those things that must be done in our daily lives ( like working at our job because it pays the bills or taking classes in college because they are required to graduate). In most cases, we try to find ways to escape from these duties. Our passions help fill the need we have for escape. There is a large array of hobbies that we can be passionate about, but how much of our time do we spend in our passions? All passions are not created equal. Some can turn those passions into products or ideas and make a living or an abundance of wealth. Many others are passionate about giving of their time and can make improvements in the lives of others through charities. But for many of us our passions are about pursuing enjoyment and when we forget to balance our lives, we end up wasting large amounts of time. Though enjoyments are not inherently bad, when we neglect all of our other duties or relationships it becomes bad, but do we allow these passions to consume our lives?
When you come home from work it is important to remember that you weren't the only one with a tough day. We ought to be considerate of the hardships our wives have to endure while we are away earning the bread. *Note to all wives: though we ought to help out when we get home, there is an adjustment period men need to help us transition from work to family life. If you will give your man 15 minutes of time to unwind when he gets home he will be more inclined to pitch in with family responsibilities, unless he has had one of those days......or he is a total bum.* In order not to spend all day away from our families at work and then shut ourselves off from them the rest of the day with our passions, I thought of a few ideas that might help.
First, turn your passion into your career. There are many people who have turned what they love to do, into what they do for a living. If you have passion that you feel you need to fulfill, then find a away to make money doing it. If you spend 8 hours or more away from home working you might as well be doing what you love. Doing this will free up your spare time to include the other things that are important in life. Second, some passions could be best realized if one donates their time and talent to help others. This is a very honorable pursuit but if you have obligations that have to be met, (ie...wife, children, or previous obligations) then you need to use moderation. It is only fair to your wife or future spouse to be forthcoming about your passions, so she knows what she is getting into ahead of time. If you find yourself drawn to something after you are married, do not enter into it without talking it over with her. Otherwise, you are going to find yourself creating conflict. To you wives, we men want to provide for you and we believe that we could do it better if we were doing what we loved, but we cannot do it without your support and prayers, but if you are completely against the idea, please remember to be gentle with our egos.

Be a Role Model

Before I even get started with this blog someone will say " I don't have someone I can be a role model to." That is a LIE! We all have someone we can influence. We do not have to be the sole molder of an individual in order to be a role model for them. We can start with family. Those of us who have siblings or marry someone with siblings can be an influence in the lives of our nieces or nephews. You may say "but they have good parents; why do I need to assert myself into their lives?" Well, someday our children will convince themselves that their parents don't know everything. (and they will be right) Next, our children will come up with the idea that they know everything. (and they will be wrong) As parents we need as much positive help as we can get. (remember that those role models who don't share your worldview are likely to be a hindrance, so avoid them like the plague.) Our children need to be reinforced with what we are trying to instill in them, and that what we are trying to teach them is in their best interest. Role models help fill the void that creeps into the minds of our posterity. Here the golden rule applies "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." So we ought to extend ourselves to be a good role model to others, not just waiting around for others to help us. After being a "shining example" to our nieces and nephews, we ought to turn our attention to any other areas of influence. If we attend church, are involved in community activities, neighborhood programs..etc, we will have the opportunity to be a role model. If we have children, they will desire to congregate with friends, or they will petition you to allow them to stay the night with their buddies. We should take every opportunity to have those venues be at our house. There are two reasons for wanting this: First, you will know and have some control over the activities of your children. Second, this is the chance you will have to influence them. No tactics are needed, you do not have to read up on mind control techniques, nor do you need to perform any water boarding to make them glean anything from you- Just be yourself. Do not change the person you are when your child's friends come over. YOUR CHILDREN WILL EXPOSE YOU AS A FRAUD IF YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF. This is important and I want to make sure it is clear. Kids talk, and if you are pretending to be someone you are not your children will rat you out (not to mention this will lower you in their esteem). Just treat their friends how you would treat your own children. Don't let them get away with things your kids can't get away with, and don't change your habits just because someone is visiting your home. For example, if you are used to praying over meals, don't skip it because someone is visiting your home. If you enjoy reading with your children instead of watching television, don't make an exception because you have a guest. If you are in the habit of telling your children you love them, continue doing so, regardless of who is listening. These maybe the only times your kids' friends will have the chance to see a functional family. This also could just be a good reminder to them, that it is ok for a family to interact this way. (like the case of your nieces and nephews with good parents) Just think to yourself: who were the individuals in your life that really help to mold you? Did you feel inspired because they sat you down and told you how to be a good person? Or did those role models just show you that example by their lives and actions, and you just wanted to imitate them? Make those kinds of memories for someone else today, and be a role model.

When your Wife feels overwhelmed.........Step Up.

It amazes me how under appreciated the women in our lives are. We should always keep our eyes and ears open for any signs of mounting pressures that wives, especially, are called to endure. We find these titans of domestic gymnastics, overcoming endless obstacles day in and day out. For the newlywed, it may appear very easy to become a wife, blissfully in love with her man. Very few cares bind her down. Her life is simple, she may have a job, she may come home do some cooking or light cleaning to make the house presentable for company. She may run to the local gym to enhance her physical appearance (wanting to keep her man continuously interested). She may be in charge of the finances, or enrolled in school, or engaged in several pursuits that seems at this stage to be a minor feat. Now fast forward a few years, and compound all of life's little intricacies. This lovely wife is also a needed mother, with "x" amount of mouths to feed, bottoms to wipe, backs to clothe, and attentions to capture, and minds to cultivate. She is the key source for education, whether the children go to school or not, she will be the motivating force behind how and what they will learn. Her needs for some time to herself, what ever her pursuits are, (reading, hiking, watching a show uninterrupted....) or her needs for some rest and relaxation, or even for adult conversation must all take a back seat to the needs of her children. Too many times the needs of her husband are imposed on her because of his lack of sensitivity to her desires. (IE... He gets home from work and wants to run off to other activities, or lay in front of a TV and watch the latest sports game without being bothered.) It is known that when children are brought into this world, those responsible will have a life changing commitment to sacrifice self for the greater good of their posterity. But their is no reason that our wives should have to go it alone, God only knows that they didn't go it alone to bring them into this world!
We as husbands and fathers ought to relieve the burdens that are caused by daily rituals of child-rearing. (And a good man should be able to do this without being asked to....are you a good man?) Let us seek opportunity to take the children with us on our errands. Let us tend to our own children (which is our responsibility as well) when our wives have activities they would not be able to attend if they were fettered with offspring. Take the time to just voice our gratitude for all the endless hours devoted by our wives. I know what many of you men are thinking, "I work my butt off to put food on the table, I have endless hours and all I ask is that the house be clean, the children bathed and food ready on the table." Well you're a man, so suck it up. When is the last time you saw a manly movie were the hero said "I cant save the day, I have been shot 4 times, I've been running on screen non-stop for two hours, and did you see me get thrown from the truck...ouch? Can't someone else save the day who hasn't been through so much?" I don't think that protagonist would earn much respect in the realm of real men. I know we are all so busy and it seems to never end, but if you think your wife doesn't feel the same way just because she stays at home you are sadly mistaken. (if she is employed on top of all her other duties, you should be groveling at the chance to help her.)
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it" is to compliment your wife on a job well done. (and if you think there is nothing worth complimenting then you need more help than I can offer). Next, is to find a way to let your wife have some time to do those things she really would like to do but can't. Lastly, don't look for the quid pro quo when you have completed the first two. If you do these things (and your wife is in the normal woman category) you will see her willingness to help meet your needs as well. Remember a marriage is never 50/50, one side at any given time will always have to contribute more. Now it is our time to step up and give.

Choose Wisely............Your Friends

We all want them, most of us enjoy them, and some of us need them, but, good friends are hard to come by. How many of us have had bad friend experiences? How many of us have had friends we were really close to but now they seem so distant? ( I dont mean just those from whom we live far away, I mean those we can't relate to anymore!) The question we should ask ourselves should be, "are we the kind of friend we would want to hang out with?" In a world with so many obstacles to overcome, true friends are worth their weight in gold. Here is a set of guidelines that I would set for friends.

1. Your friends ought to share your core beliefs. I do not think that your friends have to agree with you on every point. Sometimes you need them to disagree with you because you could be wrong. You want someone who has their own world views, not just "yes men," but if you select indiviuals who are far off from your core beliefs, (unevenly yoked) you are going to have a miserable time. Some good advice is to choose those with a moral plane that is comparable to yours.

2. Choose friends who are honest! If you know that your friends are dishonest with others, unfaithful, like to gossip, or tear others down, then it will only be a matter of time before they will turn on you. ( And if we are all honest with ourselves, we could all improve in this area!)

3. Choose friends who are not looking for perfection. Since none of us can meet up to these expectations, these friends will be impossible to please. Enough said!

4. When children are involved select those who you believe have good parenting skills. Before children we tend to choose friends based on what activities we like to do, but once we have children we seem to make our choices based on their parenting abilities. Why do we do this? Well, when we start having children they become our world (or at lest they should). We want them to have good friends, learn good behaviors, and we think that the way we are raising them is the best! We don't want someone to come in and undermine that effort.

5. Please, make friends with those who reciprocate your friendship. (If they don't seem to be reciprocating your friendship, it might be a sign that they don't want to be your friend...and that is ok! There are friends out there for those of us who are currently the "friendless outcasts").
I know there are people in the world who are just shy and could use friends who take the initiative to call, or plan activities, but If your friend doesn't even seem to be calling you back, then maybe they are trying to tell you something. (I dont even know if there is a word to "dear John" your friends? Maybe we could call it "dear Pat." My apologies to all readers of this blog named Pat....I guess I just lost some future friends now.)

Most of all, life is too short, so, spend time with those who are true friends indeed.

Man Up... Protect your family.

I have decided not to sugar-coat this post in any way. There are a set of core beliefs in which God has given certain rights that cannot be taken away. These beliefs are shared by many in this country. For me, I believe in God, Family, and Country, in that order. The defense of these blessings are enjoyed by few in this world. Why? Because the history of the world is tyranny! It is understood that men formed governments for the express purpose of protecting themselves in greater numbers from outlaws, but inevitably one man or a small group of men have found that they can take charge of the whole, and force their will and beliefs of the governed. Tyranny, whether by a ruler or by an assailant, (ie robber, burglar, or murderer) is a stain against good social order. The best way to protect one's self and their family is by the bearing of arms. The founders of this country realized that no one was going to care as much about your safety as you would. It is true that we have a form of government that allows for a police force to intercede once a law has been broken, but until someone commits a crime (robbery, assault, rape, or murder) they have no course of action they can take. You may say, "what if someone threatens me or my family? I could call the cops before they could do anything." I would answer, threatening a person is breaking the law, therefore the police could move into action. Now I would ask, what if a man who was twice your size, or who had a knife, approached you and your wife at your car? What if those individuals broke into your home while your family slept? ( tell me your wife has never woken you up and said she heard something in the other room....yeah go on admit it.) Even if you could call the police they could be several minutes away. ( did you know that in some cities you can get a busy signal when you call 911?- scary!) What if the intent of the intruder is to do you harm, instead of burglary? Nothing takes the place of having the ability of protecting yourself and your family. I have had to wake up two or three times to check the noise that my wife heard. I have done that walk through the house armed and unarmed, and there is a reassurance that comes when you are armed, knowing you do not have to be a victim. Manning up and bearing arms doesn't mean only that you should know how to use your weapons. (Even if guns are not your preferred method of defense, you ought to go about protecting your family in some way that seems best for them.) To protect your family you should teach your wife and your children (when they are old enough) how to respect and use different arms. Teach them the importance of self defense and the respect for that power. Try in all cases to make your wife feel as comfortable with guns or other items of defense as possible. (wives, encourage your husbands to prepare themselves to defend you and your family.) Take family outings to go shooting and get some target practice in, or take a self defense course together. You strive long and hard for the happiness of your family, you work hard for your property, you want only to live in comfort and peace. Just as a car crash can come out of the middle of nowhere and change your life, so can an aggressor bring you face to face with the decision to be a victim or a victor.....Which will you choose?

Best Way to Love Your Children....is to Love their Mother.

"The best way to show Love to your children is by loving their mother..... Come on, you have got to be kidding!" But why not? First of all, do not misunderstand this blog, I do not believe that only loving your children's mother will convey the amount of love they need. If a father never holds his children when they are hurt or sad, if he neglects to kiss them good night or tell them he loves them, or if he becomes to busy to read with them or play with his children- then he will be greatly disappointed with the results that come from only loving their mother. The truth is that if a Man has a foundation of love already established then this key step is going to catapult him in the eyes of his offspring. You may ask: why? What kind of magic is found in the love of a secondary person of interest? Think about it, there is an undeniable fact that children have a special bound that is formed with their mothers. Can you really raise your vocie and yell at her without it impacting them? If you tell your wife how much you love her and yet you continue to abuse her, whether it be with words or some means of force, your children will see that your love is conditional. They will grow to understand that in order to be loved by you they must always please YOU! We know that will never be a reality, all of humanity is imperfect, we cannot expect our children ( or for that matter our wives) to always do those things that will please us. ( And if this is our expection then our wives and children will expect the same of us. Now if we love their mother and look past her imperfections (even if that means not criticising in public or otherwise for a meal that didn't turn out.) and we let our disagreements take place out of sight and sound of our little ones, they will see an example of love that they will feel is attainable for them. In this life of child-rearing there may be times (very frequent times ) of correction that must be given. If we neglect to give quick correction when it is due, then we are impeding the proper growth and maturity of our seeds. For as adults there is an authority that we have to obey, and if we do not learn that lesson when we are young it can mean greater consequences for us in society. If we are prone by necessity to correct the actions of our children, would it not give them sense of hope to see the relationship between a husband and wife, which did not include critical correction or punishment. (There are many that need to "man-up" and guard their tongues better than they do when it comes to expressing themselves to their wives.) Again, who spends more time in the home with the children, the role of a mother is clear in this aspect. So if a man were to keep his wife happy, (through positive reinforcement) like with flowers, "I love you" notes, or whatever she truly likes, this will translate into a happy home. The mother will then be able to give more time and attention to her children and husband. This should translate into sons who learn how to treat a woman, and daughters who will seek the respect they deserve. Though this love may not manifest itself for sometime, (it may take them until they are married with kids of their own) they will thank you for loving them by loving their mother!

Learn Your Role....And let Children Learn Theirs

In the world we live in, everyone seems to have an active role influencing our children, whether we like it or not. You cannot send your children to school, let them spend time at a friends house, or watch cartoons, without them being presented with a worldview. The question is: do you want someone else to determine how your children will behave, what morals the we hold, or the manner of speech they will use? Our role as the "Man of the house", ought to be as a disciplinarian, moral compass, and educator. If we do not step up to the plate and fill these vacancies in the lives of our children, then someone else will. We may want to complain about the outcome of someones influence on our offspring, but if we don't build their foundation and continue to reinforce this outlook, we really have no leg of complaint to stand on. Just think about what others may want to instill in the impressionable minds of our little ones. If you are a religious individual (and you would like to pass on that Joy & Faith that you have gained to your children) there are many educators that would love to show your offspring that Deity played no part in their creation. If you have not trained your children how to speak kindly or politely, there are many parents (who unaware ) are teaching our children how to yell and scream at each other. If we have not taught our children how to behave when they play with others or how to act when they are upset, then they will learn how to throw "fits" like their "spoiled" little friends. I know that once our toddlers grow up to be youths, that may make an array of decisions that make us feel like we failed as parents, but if we strive to teach them their role and what we expect from them, they will be more prepared to face the big decisions of adolescence. Even better, they may learn these lessons when they are young that they can carry into adulthood. (A personal example from my own life- My parents taught me when I was very young that adults should always be addressed as Yes Ma'am or No Sir. As an adult I still apply this and many individuals have commented on how respectful this is. As a parent myself, some of the first words we taught our infants{besides mommy and daddy} were "yes Sir and no Ma'am". ) Some of the most proudest moments that I have experienced is other parents telling me how polite and well behaved my children are for using those titles. ( If they only knew, hehehe) All kids will try to push the limits and see how much they can get away with. These suggestions are not a recipe for raising the perfect family, it is meant to help soften the inevitable blow of life. So sit down with your spouse and hash out what values you value. Figure out how you want to implement these worldviews in your progeny, and as you learn your Role (as main teacher in their lives) then they will learn their role: as sponge and personal mimic of the best parents ever.... you.

Pornography....Everybody's doing it!

Pornography is a dirty tool that cheapens one of the most beautiful and sacred rites between a man and a woman. Pornography used to be something taboo. It used to be something that you would have to seek out in order to find it, but "the times they are a changing". The sad truth is that every single person is willingly or unwillingly involved in pornography. No one may be exempt from this truth unless they have completely isolated themselves from the world. A decade or two ago, our parents would tell us to stay away from such filthy material. Now it consumes our whole way of life. (It even envelopes our parents now.) Let me cite a few examples to illustrate my point that we are all involved in pornography. Hollywood....(I could stop citing, because everyone knows what I am talking about now.) from the big screen, to the family hour on TV, Hollywood promotes its over-sexed agenda. School... whether this is the sex ed taught in schools, the novels in English class, or the manner of dress of the students. School is a haven for pornography. Daily life...It doesn't matter how protected you are, if you are living in the 21st century than you are exposed to pornography. Look around (or for that matter don't look around, it is about the only way not to get sucked into this snare.) as you walk into a grocery store. The check lines are full of magazines with inappropriate pictures. Walking from the store through the parking lot, you see the decals of strippers or naked "angels" or "devils" on either side of the window. Maybe you are keeping your eyes low in the parking lot, (trying to avoid the embarrassing window features) which causes you to glance at the just as inappropriate bumper stickers. On your drive home, (as you are trying think of great ways to be a good husband, father, or Man) you pass billboard after billboard of Pornography. Some billboards try to be subtle with their fully clothed yet very curvy models, others are in your face bold. I have an image in my mind that I just cannot shake. It is of a billboard in a residential neighborhood ( I can't believe the people in this area didn't demand that it be taken down) featuring a local spa. Let's just say that the model was very bare, so much so that I looked around to see if the kids had seen it. Do I need to give any further evidence? So you might ask, what is so wrong with these little examples? They harm our families, which means that they harm our communities, which means they harm our country.....which harms the world!

You may think this a little extreme, but what makes up the world? Individuals congregating into societies, and the most basic of these is the family. Pornography is meant to arouse one's sexual appetite, to cheapen the act of sex, and to encourage disrespect of one's partner. Once again you may ask, what is so wrong with this? When a person has their sexual appetite aroused with their spouse they are able to express themselves within the bonds of marriage. (thus preserving the basic unit, the family). When that person allows themselves to ignite those passions outside of those bounds, it will lead them, and their imagination to infidelity, thus causing a break up of the family. To cheapen sex, lessens our capacity to build loving, meaningful relationships. It can also create desires for a myriad of deviant sexual behaviors which will plague the individual until the taboo is met. The disrespect of one's spouse should speak for itself. No matter how good your lover is, she will never trump the unrealistic expectations that pornography has created. So you can see, we are all involved in the damning effects of pornography. The questions we should ask ourselves is, how involved are we? I will leave you with a few suggestions in closing. 1st. Leave blatant pornography alone. ( I realize that is self evident but it must be stated.) 2nd. Choose your forms of entertainment carefully. 3rd. If you feel too engrossed with pornography on any level, reach out to your spouse, religious leader, or for clinical help. 4th. Teach your families why it is good to avoid pornography in all its forms. I hope you will find those suggestions as helpful reminders, and encourage you to add to them as you see fit. If we will but strengthen ourselves we will be able to strengthen our families; If we strengthen our families we can strengthen our communities; If we can strengthen our communities, we will strengthen our nation. If we can do it for our nation, who knows maybe the world. In that day it might be said "Pornography....Nobody's doing it!"

Isn't it about.......Time?

Those of us with children know one truth for a fact, and those of you that haven't been blessed with any children yet, should learn this fact first. All children remember is that it's all about time. Those who make a choice to bring a child into this world ( whether planned or unplanned) must now live up to the responsibility of devoting their time to them. Too many of us find that we are so busy making a living, enjoying our hobbies, or increasing our education. None of these are good excuses to rob our children of the time they deserve from us. Now, this should not imply that every minute we spend with them has to be planned out with activities or memorable experiences (though we ought to take the time to include those). Right now, I am typing with my 3-month old son in my arms. He doesn't do anything but smile at me, ...and drool, ....and giggle....etc; but I can tell he likes it, and so do I. As men we tend to get home from work tired and looking to relax. We have filled our day with work and have a zillion other things we would like to occupy our lives with. But, if we belong to the select group of men who are fortunate enough to have wives who stay home with our progeny, we will be able to kill two birds with one stone. These wonder women have been able to hold down our castles for us, cooking, cleaning, teaching, diapers, wiping noses,"Mommy, she took my chair!" "Mommy, he touched me!" Honestly how do they do it? If you believed that you were deserving of some R and R, then she has earned it ten fold. And so your children will get the parental interaction that they need and your wife the rest and time to herself that she would never get otherwise. This can be as hard or as easy as we want to make it. We may take the children to the store with us. (So you have three children and the item you are getting will take you 10 minutes to get to the store and get back. Do you think your wife waits for you to run and do all her errands?) You can plan an outing to the local park, take a trip to the mailbox, or a church event. To your offspring, they just like knowing you want them around. I know that for us men this will have to be a conscious effort, but it will be well worth it. Remember, the amount of time you spend with your kids NOW, will directly determine the amount of time they spend with you when you are CONVALESCENT! Just something to think about. "There is no success in life that can compensate for failure in the home" (David O. McKay).

Time to Man Up and buy flowers!

Let's be honest, no man will ever know the the true effect that flowers will have on the women in our lives. This is something that you just have to do no matter how little sense it makes to you. Women seem to put a lot of clout behind receiving a bouquet of flowers. I do not mean to go out and get her some petals for her anniversary or her birthday. ( which if you have forgotten those two days..... well you are going to need a lot more help.) I am talking about buying flowers for your special someone just because it is Wednesday. Maybe you could make it memorable for her and send it to her work, or deliver them when she is with her friends. ( women like to show off the affection, attention, and gifts that their men give to them.) You must do this before you get into trouble or have an argument, etc.... Because make-up flowers will not give you the same result. Remember LOVE is an action word and many times the opposite sex will spell it F-L-O-W-E-R-S. It shows her two things that you just can't say with words. 1st, you are thinking about her! (this is key especially if you do it on a day just because you wanted to.) 2ND, It shows her that you will go out of your way to make her happy. (Does your woman believe you would swim through broken glass? Flowers will help you save on band-aids!) Don't just take it from me, take it from every chick-flick or romantic novel that she ingests. You don't want your partner to break out a calculator just to add all the days since her last bundle of roses. If you want to score bonus points take some to your mother-in-law. (not recommended if you have not 1st doted on your wife, could back fire.) So, if this is not in your repertoire of endearments then it is time for you to Man Up!

Governing Principles and Laws of Nature

One of the major problems with the world today is that no one seems to have any governing principles anymore. Today, as you look around you can see men who have open affairs without any shame; men who think that cheating on their taxes should only be corrected when a high political office is offered them. ( this is not just making mistakes or taking deductions incorrectly, it is someone straight up not filing.) Men who contract to perform a certain amount of work, and then skip town when they have a little cash in hand. "Show me your Principles." Some may ask, "where do you find universal principles?" John Locke, a philospher ahead of his time, makes clear where universal principles can be found. In his second book of civil government Locke states "we must consider, what state all men are naturally in,.... a state of perfect freedom to order their actions, and dispose of their possessions and persons, as they think fit, within the bounds of the law of nature." He continues "In transgressing the law of nature, the offender declares himself to live by another rule than that of reason...which is that measure God has set.... for their mutual security" What is the result of this decission? "He becomes dangerous to mankind, the tye which is to secure them from injury and violence, being slighted and broken by him." Nature's God has laid out some pretty basic rules for his creation to be able to interact one with anohter. ( Honour thy father and mother, thou shalt not kill, not commit adultery, not steal, not bear false witness, not covet, ect...) But have we listened to nature's God? No, and this is what has lead to the state in which we are currently in. Real men are in need of a moral world view. A personal set of beliefs that will allow them to interact with one another and society as a whole. As this blog continues I hope we will visit key moral obligations that the laws of nature, and "natures God", compells of each of us as we try to become "Real Men."