Don't let your passion's consume you!

Did you know that in the Greek language they use five different words to convey the meaning of the word Love? I kind of like this because I say that I love hot dogs and that I love my children, but I don't feel the same way about the two. Sometimes when we talk about things we love,we mean things we are passionate about. Passion does not need to be looked on as a bad emotion; it can often be a great driving force. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Do my passions consume my life?"
All of us need to focus on those things that must be done in our daily lives ( like working at our job because it pays the bills or taking classes in college because they are required to graduate). In most cases, we try to find ways to escape from these duties. Our passions help fill the need we have for escape. There is a large array of hobbies that we can be passionate about, but how much of our time do we spend in our passions? All passions are not created equal. Some can turn those passions into products or ideas and make a living or an abundance of wealth. Many others are passionate about giving of their time and can make improvements in the lives of others through charities. But for many of us our passions are about pursuing enjoyment and when we forget to balance our lives, we end up wasting large amounts of time. Though enjoyments are not inherently bad, when we neglect all of our other duties or relationships it becomes bad, but do we allow these passions to consume our lives?
When you come home from work it is important to remember that you weren't the only one with a tough day. We ought to be considerate of the hardships our wives have to endure while we are away earning the bread. *Note to all wives: though we ought to help out when we get home, there is an adjustment period men need to help us transition from work to family life. If you will give your man 15 minutes of time to unwind when he gets home he will be more inclined to pitch in with family responsibilities, unless he has had one of those days......or he is a total bum.* In order not to spend all day away from our families at work and then shut ourselves off from them the rest of the day with our passions, I thought of a few ideas that might help.
First, turn your passion into your career. There are many people who have turned what they love to do, into what they do for a living. If you have passion that you feel you need to fulfill, then find a away to make money doing it. If you spend 8 hours or more away from home working you might as well be doing what you love. Doing this will free up your spare time to include the other things that are important in life. Second, some passions could be best realized if one donates their time and talent to help others. This is a very honorable pursuit but if you have obligations that have to be met, (ie...wife, children, or previous obligations) then you need to use moderation. It is only fair to your wife or future spouse to be forthcoming about your passions, so she knows what she is getting into ahead of time. If you find yourself drawn to something after you are married, do not enter into it without talking it over with her. Otherwise, you are going to find yourself creating conflict. To you wives, we men want to provide for you and we believe that we could do it better if we were doing what we loved, but we cannot do it without your support and prayers, but if you are completely against the idea, please remember to be gentle with our egos.

Be a Role Model

Before I even get started with this blog someone will say " I don't have someone I can be a role model to." That is a LIE! We all have someone we can influence. We do not have to be the sole molder of an individual in order to be a role model for them. We can start with family. Those of us who have siblings or marry someone with siblings can be an influence in the lives of our nieces or nephews. You may say "but they have good parents; why do I need to assert myself into their lives?" Well, someday our children will convince themselves that their parents don't know everything. (and they will be right) Next, our children will come up with the idea that they know everything. (and they will be wrong) As parents we need as much positive help as we can get. (remember that those role models who don't share your worldview are likely to be a hindrance, so avoid them like the plague.) Our children need to be reinforced with what we are trying to instill in them, and that what we are trying to teach them is in their best interest. Role models help fill the void that creeps into the minds of our posterity. Here the golden rule applies "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." So we ought to extend ourselves to be a good role model to others, not just waiting around for others to help us. After being a "shining example" to our nieces and nephews, we ought to turn our attention to any other areas of influence. If we attend church, are involved in community activities, neighborhood programs..etc, we will have the opportunity to be a role model. If we have children, they will desire to congregate with friends, or they will petition you to allow them to stay the night with their buddies. We should take every opportunity to have those venues be at our house. There are two reasons for wanting this: First, you will know and have some control over the activities of your children. Second, this is the chance you will have to influence them. No tactics are needed, you do not have to read up on mind control techniques, nor do you need to perform any water boarding to make them glean anything from you- Just be yourself. Do not change the person you are when your child's friends come over. YOUR CHILDREN WILL EXPOSE YOU AS A FRAUD IF YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF. This is important and I want to make sure it is clear. Kids talk, and if you are pretending to be someone you are not your children will rat you out (not to mention this will lower you in their esteem). Just treat their friends how you would treat your own children. Don't let them get away with things your kids can't get away with, and don't change your habits just because someone is visiting your home. For example, if you are used to praying over meals, don't skip it because someone is visiting your home. If you enjoy reading with your children instead of watching television, don't make an exception because you have a guest. If you are in the habit of telling your children you love them, continue doing so, regardless of who is listening. These maybe the only times your kids' friends will have the chance to see a functional family. This also could just be a good reminder to them, that it is ok for a family to interact this way. (like the case of your nieces and nephews with good parents) Just think to yourself: who were the individuals in your life that really help to mold you? Did you feel inspired because they sat you down and told you how to be a good person? Or did those role models just show you that example by their lives and actions, and you just wanted to imitate them? Make those kinds of memories for someone else today, and be a role model.

When your Wife feels overwhelmed.........Step Up.

It amazes me how under appreciated the women in our lives are. We should always keep our eyes and ears open for any signs of mounting pressures that wives, especially, are called to endure. We find these titans of domestic gymnastics, overcoming endless obstacles day in and day out. For the newlywed, it may appear very easy to become a wife, blissfully in love with her man. Very few cares bind her down. Her life is simple, she may have a job, she may come home do some cooking or light cleaning to make the house presentable for company. She may run to the local gym to enhance her physical appearance (wanting to keep her man continuously interested). She may be in charge of the finances, or enrolled in school, or engaged in several pursuits that seems at this stage to be a minor feat. Now fast forward a few years, and compound all of life's little intricacies. This lovely wife is also a needed mother, with "x" amount of mouths to feed, bottoms to wipe, backs to clothe, and attentions to capture, and minds to cultivate. She is the key source for education, whether the children go to school or not, she will be the motivating force behind how and what they will learn. Her needs for some time to herself, what ever her pursuits are, (reading, hiking, watching a show uninterrupted....) or her needs for some rest and relaxation, or even for adult conversation must all take a back seat to the needs of her children. Too many times the needs of her husband are imposed on her because of his lack of sensitivity to her desires. (IE... He gets home from work and wants to run off to other activities, or lay in front of a TV and watch the latest sports game without being bothered.) It is known that when children are brought into this world, those responsible will have a life changing commitment to sacrifice self for the greater good of their posterity. But their is no reason that our wives should have to go it alone, God only knows that they didn't go it alone to bring them into this world!
We as husbands and fathers ought to relieve the burdens that are caused by daily rituals of child-rearing. (And a good man should be able to do this without being asked to....are you a good man?) Let us seek opportunity to take the children with us on our errands. Let us tend to our own children (which is our responsibility as well) when our wives have activities they would not be able to attend if they were fettered with offspring. Take the time to just voice our gratitude for all the endless hours devoted by our wives. I know what many of you men are thinking, "I work my butt off to put food on the table, I have endless hours and all I ask is that the house be clean, the children bathed and food ready on the table." Well you're a man, so suck it up. When is the last time you saw a manly movie were the hero said "I cant save the day, I have been shot 4 times, I've been running on screen non-stop for two hours, and did you see me get thrown from the truck...ouch? Can't someone else save the day who hasn't been through so much?" I don't think that protagonist would earn much respect in the realm of real men. I know we are all so busy and it seems to never end, but if you think your wife doesn't feel the same way just because she stays at home you are sadly mistaken. (if she is employed on top of all her other duties, you should be groveling at the chance to help her.)
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it" is to compliment your wife on a job well done. (and if you think there is nothing worth complimenting then you need more help than I can offer). Next, is to find a way to let your wife have some time to do those things she really would like to do but can't. Lastly, don't look for the quid pro quo when you have completed the first two. If you do these things (and your wife is in the normal woman category) you will see her willingness to help meet your needs as well. Remember a marriage is never 50/50, one side at any given time will always have to contribute more. Now it is our time to step up and give.