Learn Your Role....And let Children Learn Theirs

In the world we live in, everyone seems to have an active role influencing our children, whether we like it or not. You cannot send your children to school, let them spend time at a friends house, or watch cartoons, without them being presented with a worldview. The question is: do you want someone else to determine how your children will behave, what morals the we hold, or the manner of speech they will use? Our role as the "Man of the house", ought to be as a disciplinarian, moral compass, and educator. If we do not step up to the plate and fill these vacancies in the lives of our children, then someone else will. We may want to complain about the outcome of someones influence on our offspring, but if we don't build their foundation and continue to reinforce this outlook, we really have no leg of complaint to stand on. Just think about what others may want to instill in the impressionable minds of our little ones. If you are a religious individual (and you would like to pass on that Joy & Faith that you have gained to your children) there are many educators that would love to show your offspring that Deity played no part in their creation. If you have not trained your children how to speak kindly or politely, there are many parents (who unaware ) are teaching our children how to yell and scream at each other. If we have not taught our children how to behave when they play with others or how to act when they are upset, then they will learn how to throw "fits" like their "spoiled" little friends. I know that once our toddlers grow up to be youths, that may make an array of decisions that make us feel like we failed as parents, but if we strive to teach them their role and what we expect from them, they will be more prepared to face the big decisions of adolescence. Even better, they may learn these lessons when they are young that they can carry into adulthood. (A personal example from my own life- My parents taught me when I was very young that adults should always be addressed as Yes Ma'am or No Sir. As an adult I still apply this and many individuals have commented on how respectful this is. As a parent myself, some of the first words we taught our infants{besides mommy and daddy} were "yes Sir and no Ma'am". ) Some of the most proudest moments that I have experienced is other parents telling me how polite and well behaved my children are for using those titles. ( If they only knew, hehehe) All kids will try to push the limits and see how much they can get away with. These suggestions are not a recipe for raising the perfect family, it is meant to help soften the inevitable blow of life. So sit down with your spouse and hash out what values you value. Figure out how you want to implement these worldviews in your progeny, and as you learn your Role (as main teacher in their lives) then they will learn their role: as sponge and personal mimic of the best parents ever.... you.

Pornography....Everybody's doing it!

Pornography is a dirty tool that cheapens one of the most beautiful and sacred rites between a man and a woman. Pornography used to be something taboo. It used to be something that you would have to seek out in order to find it, but "the times they are a changing". The sad truth is that every single person is willingly or unwillingly involved in pornography. No one may be exempt from this truth unless they have completely isolated themselves from the world. A decade or two ago, our parents would tell us to stay away from such filthy material. Now it consumes our whole way of life. (It even envelopes our parents now.) Let me cite a few examples to illustrate my point that we are all involved in pornography. Hollywood....(I could stop citing, because everyone knows what I am talking about now.) from the big screen, to the family hour on TV, Hollywood promotes its over-sexed agenda. School... whether this is the sex ed taught in schools, the novels in English class, or the manner of dress of the students. School is a haven for pornography. Daily life...It doesn't matter how protected you are, if you are living in the 21st century than you are exposed to pornography. Look around (or for that matter don't look around, it is about the only way not to get sucked into this snare.) as you walk into a grocery store. The check lines are full of magazines with inappropriate pictures. Walking from the store through the parking lot, you see the decals of strippers or naked "angels" or "devils" on either side of the window. Maybe you are keeping your eyes low in the parking lot, (trying to avoid the embarrassing window features) which causes you to glance at the just as inappropriate bumper stickers. On your drive home, (as you are trying think of great ways to be a good husband, father, or Man) you pass billboard after billboard of Pornography. Some billboards try to be subtle with their fully clothed yet very curvy models, others are in your face bold. I have an image in my mind that I just cannot shake. It is of a billboard in a residential neighborhood ( I can't believe the people in this area didn't demand that it be taken down) featuring a local spa. Let's just say that the model was very bare, so much so that I looked around to see if the kids had seen it. Do I need to give any further evidence? So you might ask, what is so wrong with these little examples? They harm our families, which means that they harm our communities, which means they harm our country.....which harms the world!

You may think this a little extreme, but what makes up the world? Individuals congregating into societies, and the most basic of these is the family. Pornography is meant to arouse one's sexual appetite, to cheapen the act of sex, and to encourage disrespect of one's partner. Once again you may ask, what is so wrong with this? When a person has their sexual appetite aroused with their spouse they are able to express themselves within the bonds of marriage. (thus preserving the basic unit, the family). When that person allows themselves to ignite those passions outside of those bounds, it will lead them, and their imagination to infidelity, thus causing a break up of the family. To cheapen sex, lessens our capacity to build loving, meaningful relationships. It can also create desires for a myriad of deviant sexual behaviors which will plague the individual until the taboo is met. The disrespect of one's spouse should speak for itself. No matter how good your lover is, she will never trump the unrealistic expectations that pornography has created. So you can see, we are all involved in the damning effects of pornography. The questions we should ask ourselves is, how involved are we? I will leave you with a few suggestions in closing. 1st. Leave blatant pornography alone. ( I realize that is self evident but it must be stated.) 2nd. Choose your forms of entertainment carefully. 3rd. If you feel too engrossed with pornography on any level, reach out to your spouse, religious leader, or for clinical help. 4th. Teach your families why it is good to avoid pornography in all its forms. I hope you will find those suggestions as helpful reminders, and encourage you to add to them as you see fit. If we will but strengthen ourselves we will be able to strengthen our families; If we strengthen our families we can strengthen our communities; If we can strengthen our communities, we will strengthen our nation. If we can do it for our nation, who knows maybe the world. In that day it might be said "Pornography....Nobody's doing it!"

Isn't it about.......Time?

Those of us with children know one truth for a fact, and those of you that haven't been blessed with any children yet, should learn this fact first. All children remember is that it's all about time. Those who make a choice to bring a child into this world ( whether planned or unplanned) must now live up to the responsibility of devoting their time to them. Too many of us find that we are so busy making a living, enjoying our hobbies, or increasing our education. None of these are good excuses to rob our children of the time they deserve from us. Now, this should not imply that every minute we spend with them has to be planned out with activities or memorable experiences (though we ought to take the time to include those). Right now, I am typing with my 3-month old son in my arms. He doesn't do anything but smile at me, ...and drool, ....and giggle....etc; but I can tell he likes it, and so do I. As men we tend to get home from work tired and looking to relax. We have filled our day with work and have a zillion other things we would like to occupy our lives with. But, if we belong to the select group of men who are fortunate enough to have wives who stay home with our progeny, we will be able to kill two birds with one stone. These wonder women have been able to hold down our castles for us, cooking, cleaning, teaching, diapers, wiping noses,"Mommy, she took my chair!" "Mommy, he touched me!" Honestly how do they do it? If you believed that you were deserving of some R and R, then she has earned it ten fold. And so your children will get the parental interaction that they need and your wife the rest and time to herself that she would never get otherwise. This can be as hard or as easy as we want to make it. We may take the children to the store with us. (So you have three children and the item you are getting will take you 10 minutes to get to the store and get back. Do you think your wife waits for you to run and do all her errands?) You can plan an outing to the local park, take a trip to the mailbox, or a church event. To your offspring, they just like knowing you want them around. I know that for us men this will have to be a conscious effort, but it will be well worth it. Remember, the amount of time you spend with your kids NOW, will directly determine the amount of time they spend with you when you are CONVALESCENT! Just something to think about. "There is no success in life that can compensate for failure in the home" (David O. McKay).

Time to Man Up and buy flowers!

Let's be honest, no man will ever know the the true effect that flowers will have on the women in our lives. This is something that you just have to do no matter how little sense it makes to you. Women seem to put a lot of clout behind receiving a bouquet of flowers. I do not mean to go out and get her some petals for her anniversary or her birthday. ( which if you have forgotten those two days..... well you are going to need a lot more help.) I am talking about buying flowers for your special someone just because it is Wednesday. Maybe you could make it memorable for her and send it to her work, or deliver them when she is with her friends. ( women like to show off the affection, attention, and gifts that their men give to them.) You must do this before you get into trouble or have an argument, etc.... Because make-up flowers will not give you the same result. Remember LOVE is an action word and many times the opposite sex will spell it F-L-O-W-E-R-S. It shows her two things that you just can't say with words. 1st, you are thinking about her! (this is key especially if you do it on a day just because you wanted to.) 2ND, It shows her that you will go out of your way to make her happy. (Does your woman believe you would swim through broken glass? Flowers will help you save on band-aids!) Don't just take it from me, take it from every chick-flick or romantic novel that she ingests. You don't want your partner to break out a calculator just to add all the days since her last bundle of roses. If you want to score bonus points take some to your mother-in-law. (not recommended if you have not 1st doted on your wife, could back fire.) So, if this is not in your repertoire of endearments then it is time for you to Man Up!

Governing Principles and Laws of Nature

One of the major problems with the world today is that no one seems to have any governing principles anymore. Today, as you look around you can see men who have open affairs without any shame; men who think that cheating on their taxes should only be corrected when a high political office is offered them. ( this is not just making mistakes or taking deductions incorrectly, it is someone straight up not filing.) Men who contract to perform a certain amount of work, and then skip town when they have a little cash in hand. "Show me your Principles." Some may ask, "where do you find universal principles?" John Locke, a philospher ahead of his time, makes clear where universal principles can be found. In his second book of civil government Locke states "we must consider, what state all men are naturally in,.... a state of perfect freedom to order their actions, and dispose of their possessions and persons, as they think fit, within the bounds of the law of nature." He continues "In transgressing the law of nature, the offender declares himself to live by another rule than that of reason...which is that measure God has set.... for their mutual security" What is the result of this decission? "He becomes dangerous to mankind, the tye which is to secure them from injury and violence, being slighted and broken by him." Nature's God has laid out some pretty basic rules for his creation to be able to interact one with anohter. ( Honour thy father and mother, thou shalt not kill, not commit adultery, not steal, not bear false witness, not covet, ect...) But have we listened to nature's God? No, and this is what has lead to the state in which we are currently in. Real men are in need of a moral world view. A personal set of beliefs that will allow them to interact with one another and society as a whole. As this blog continues I hope we will visit key moral obligations that the laws of nature, and "natures God", compells of each of us as we try to become "Real Men."