Leading a Godly Family.

America has been deemed a Christian nation since its founding, but over the years there seems to be a driving force in society that wants that title to disappear.

John Adams taught "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." The moral fiber of a nation can always be broken down to its basest unit: the family! Individual families make up a community, communities make cities, cities make states, and states make the nation.

The Best thing for this nation is to see that the families continue to rise to a higher standard of morality. How can we accomplish this? The fathers need to take their place at the head of the family and lead them as God would have them. When the family ought to gather for dinner, where are the fathers? When we should be teaching our families how to kneel together and give thanks to God for all that we have been blessed with, what do we allow to take up that time? When we should be reading God’s word, what other form of entertainment are we caught up in? Do we take the time as a family to do service for others? Do we use the weekends to gather our families and take them to church with us? (or do they go without us) Are we sharing the truths that we have learned from God’s law and showing how to live by that word? Are we man enough to let others know that we are religious, even when we are around those who might seem indifferent? Hiding who we are, (children of God) our wasting to much of our time, or neglecting our duty to teach and spend time with our family will not aid us in creating a better nation.

Many women have taken the role of head of the house too often in the spiritual well-being of the family. But when the fathers do not step into that role, the results will be minimal. The father is the driver, the disciplinarian, or the wedge which can keep the rest of the family from rallying around the standard of truth. Let us all find within ourselves the strength to improve our families and that of our friends’ families, and we will once again become a great nation that can say, "In God We Trust."

Trying to Raise A Good Man.

Good men are not born.... they are raised! If the truth be known, there aren't many being raised anymore. This is because "society" is dead set against the attributes that are found in good men. You can see this in the entertainment, education, and peer influences that our children face. Why should I allow hollywood to encourage my son sleep with as many women as he can, with no sight of a moral compass around? Why should I allow my son to be swayed to be a liar or a cheat because his friends teach him that it is normal? Or why should I allow my son to be taught the secular philosophies of the current public education systems? (or for that matter allow them to set up role models like Charles Darwin or George Bernard Shaw instead real role models like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson!) I have blogged about the need to teach our children when they are young, in order to give them a strong foundation. I wish to share with you some of the things I try and will be trying to teach to my sons. ( I hope these things will give him the foundation strong enough to stand against all that the world will try to corrupt him with.)

1st Honesty,(what a building block) honesty brings so many blessings. It is the makings of honour, it makes you trustworthy, and shows you are credible. I truly do believe the saying "It is better to be trusted than to be loved." (David O. McKay) I hope that my son would make this his motto. It is hard not to love a son, even when they aren't obedient. But trust will bring endearment and even love.

2nd Chastity, not only for him personally, but I hope that I can instill in him the importantance of how to treat the gentler gender. Of all the things a man could steal in this world, the worst is the virtue of a young lady. It is the one thing you could never return! I would also try to show him in all my actions how he ought to be chivalrous. (a lost art.)

3rd faith, he needs to learn that there is a higher power than himself, this is why I would teach him about his father's faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. All of us will be lost until we come to a realization of Deity and our relationship to him. I believe that this would be the most important bit of knowledge I could impart to him. It will be the key for most of his interaction with the rest of humanitiy.

There are a whole host of other items I would love to teach him: Loyality, Kindness, Respectfulness, Cleanilness, and Charity. He should learn those things which are worth fighting for: Wife, Children,Life, Liberty, Property, and every other God given right, including the freedom to worship God. There seems like so much to share and yet so little time to do it in. I guess the best part about trying to raise a good man, is making sure I set a good example.

The Most Important Decision You Will Ever Make!

The most important decision you will ever make in your life, will be the decision about the person you choose to marry! Many may balk at the thought of this. With all of life's important decisions, how could someone narrow it down to one person? The truth of the matter is: all the decisions we make lead up to the choice of who we will marry. Once we have chosen a mate it then affects every decision we make there after. Some of the best advice I ever received, I now wish to share with you. (If you have already married hopefully this will help remind you why you fell in love. If you are looking to get married, or are single and one day will be married, please consider taking this seriously.)
The sage advice that I was given so many years ago was this.... "People do not contemplate who they want to marry." Many times people date because they want to get married, but they don't think before hand "I want to date you because you are who I want to marry." Allow me to clarify this concept a little. It is a true saying "You marry who you date," for it is impossible to marry someone that you don't date. (Unless you are into arranged marriages or reality TV shows.) So if that saying is true, wouldn't it make sense to only date those who you want to marry? ....Of course it does! Now comes the next part of the advice I was given, "make a complete list of all the things you want in a wife and a list of some of the things you absolutely couldn't have in a wife." The reasoning was that if you wrote out what you wanted in a wife, you would spend your time dating those people who best fit that description- and vice versa you wouldn't waste time with those who were not what you wanted in marriage.
I was married at a relatively young age, I believe I was 22 years old. I made my list when I was 18 years old. In order to really know what I did and didn't want in a "wife", (and having never been married before) I looked at those marriages around me that were happy and unhappy. I selected traits from all these women based on how happy those traits made their husbands. Also, I told myself I would never marry a woman who treated her husband the way some of these women did. Some of them had terrible bad habits that made me embarrassed for their husbands (at the same time I was doing reconnaissance on the type of woman I wanted to marry, I was also scoping out the traits of men I wanted to emulate, both as a husband and a father). No one can make a list for you, it must cater to your needs, personality, and desires. Finally, I had my list together. Had anyone ever read it, I am sure they never would have thought that I could marry the girl I was looking for! I had such things on my list as "I want a girl that I have know for a long time....If I have meet her recently we would need to date for 5 years." (yeah right who would be that patient.) "I want a girl who is athletic....she doesn't have to be pro she just has to like wanting to play with me (sports that is). I wanted a girl who was comfortable in the outdoors, yet at the same time someone who liked staying home and watching movies. I wanted someone who sang and played the piano. Someone who was blond, but who also would change their hair color just for fun. (Isn't that Rebecca to a T.) I wanted a girl that belonged to the same church as me. It was a must that she was debt free when we got married. She had to be thrifty, yet I also wanted her trendy. I wanted a girl who felt the same way I did about how to discipline our children. Physically, I wanted her to be very curvy in all the right places. I wanted her to be a girl that would workout to keep her body in shape. (Child-bearing not included.) I wanted someone who wanted around the same number of children I did. I did not want a girl who was vulgar. I did not want a girl who could not be a lady in public. Nor did I want a girl who would belittle her husband in public or private. Did I want a girl who thought it was her job to have children but someone else's job to raise or educate them? NO. Did I want to marry a girl who's political views were going to be opposed to my own? NO. Did I want to marry a girl who had no mothering instinct at all? NO. And now you have gotten a small glimpse of what my list might have looked like.
I have known my wife since I was 3 years old, yet I still didn't know when I made my list that she would fulfill 100% of everything I ever wanted. I believe if more people would take the time to find out who they want to marry and then date only those people who are meeting those requirements, people would not only know who to marry, but fewer people would want a divorce from that person. A word to the wise, If you don't put it on your list then it must not have been that important. Remember your spouse will not be perfect, and you can't expect her to be. So include all those things that you must have, and those thing that you cant stand. Then any other little thing: just learn to let it go.

Don't let your passion's consume you!

Did you know that in the Greek language they use five different words to convey the meaning of the word Love? I kind of like this because I say that I love hot dogs and that I love my children, but I don't feel the same way about the two. Sometimes when we talk about things we love,we mean things we are passionate about. Passion does not need to be looked on as a bad emotion; it can often be a great driving force. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "Do my passions consume my life?"
All of us need to focus on those things that must be done in our daily lives ( like working at our job because it pays the bills or taking classes in college because they are required to graduate). In most cases, we try to find ways to escape from these duties. Our passions help fill the need we have for escape. There is a large array of hobbies that we can be passionate about, but how much of our time do we spend in our passions? All passions are not created equal. Some can turn those passions into products or ideas and make a living or an abundance of wealth. Many others are passionate about giving of their time and can make improvements in the lives of others through charities. But for many of us our passions are about pursuing enjoyment and when we forget to balance our lives, we end up wasting large amounts of time. Though enjoyments are not inherently bad, when we neglect all of our other duties or relationships it becomes bad, but do we allow these passions to consume our lives?
When you come home from work it is important to remember that you weren't the only one with a tough day. We ought to be considerate of the hardships our wives have to endure while we are away earning the bread. *Note to all wives: though we ought to help out when we get home, there is an adjustment period men need to help us transition from work to family life. If you will give your man 15 minutes of time to unwind when he gets home he will be more inclined to pitch in with family responsibilities, unless he has had one of those days......or he is a total bum.* In order not to spend all day away from our families at work and then shut ourselves off from them the rest of the day with our passions, I thought of a few ideas that might help.
First, turn your passion into your career. There are many people who have turned what they love to do, into what they do for a living. If you have passion that you feel you need to fulfill, then find a away to make money doing it. If you spend 8 hours or more away from home working you might as well be doing what you love. Doing this will free up your spare time to include the other things that are important in life. Second, some passions could be best realized if one donates their time and talent to help others. This is a very honorable pursuit but if you have obligations that have to be met, (ie...wife, children, or previous obligations) then you need to use moderation. It is only fair to your wife or future spouse to be forthcoming about your passions, so she knows what she is getting into ahead of time. If you find yourself drawn to something after you are married, do not enter into it without talking it over with her. Otherwise, you are going to find yourself creating conflict. To you wives, we men want to provide for you and we believe that we could do it better if we were doing what we loved, but we cannot do it without your support and prayers, but if you are completely against the idea, please remember to be gentle with our egos.

Be a Role Model

Before I even get started with this blog someone will say " I don't have someone I can be a role model to." That is a LIE! We all have someone we can influence. We do not have to be the sole molder of an individual in order to be a role model for them. We can start with family. Those of us who have siblings or marry someone with siblings can be an influence in the lives of our nieces or nephews. You may say "but they have good parents; why do I need to assert myself into their lives?" Well, someday our children will convince themselves that their parents don't know everything. (and they will be right) Next, our children will come up with the idea that they know everything. (and they will be wrong) As parents we need as much positive help as we can get. (remember that those role models who don't share your worldview are likely to be a hindrance, so avoid them like the plague.) Our children need to be reinforced with what we are trying to instill in them, and that what we are trying to teach them is in their best interest. Role models help fill the void that creeps into the minds of our posterity. Here the golden rule applies "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." So we ought to extend ourselves to be a good role model to others, not just waiting around for others to help us. After being a "shining example" to our nieces and nephews, we ought to turn our attention to any other areas of influence. If we attend church, are involved in community activities, neighborhood programs..etc, we will have the opportunity to be a role model. If we have children, they will desire to congregate with friends, or they will petition you to allow them to stay the night with their buddies. We should take every opportunity to have those venues be at our house. There are two reasons for wanting this: First, you will know and have some control over the activities of your children. Second, this is the chance you will have to influence them. No tactics are needed, you do not have to read up on mind control techniques, nor do you need to perform any water boarding to make them glean anything from you- Just be yourself. Do not change the person you are when your child's friends come over. YOUR CHILDREN WILL EXPOSE YOU AS A FRAUD IF YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF. This is important and I want to make sure it is clear. Kids talk, and if you are pretending to be someone you are not your children will rat you out (not to mention this will lower you in their esteem). Just treat their friends how you would treat your own children. Don't let them get away with things your kids can't get away with, and don't change your habits just because someone is visiting your home. For example, if you are used to praying over meals, don't skip it because someone is visiting your home. If you enjoy reading with your children instead of watching television, don't make an exception because you have a guest. If you are in the habit of telling your children you love them, continue doing so, regardless of who is listening. These maybe the only times your kids' friends will have the chance to see a functional family. This also could just be a good reminder to them, that it is ok for a family to interact this way. (like the case of your nieces and nephews with good parents) Just think to yourself: who were the individuals in your life that really help to mold you? Did you feel inspired because they sat you down and told you how to be a good person? Or did those role models just show you that example by their lives and actions, and you just wanted to imitate them? Make those kinds of memories for someone else today, and be a role model.

When your Wife feels overwhelmed.........Step Up.

It amazes me how under appreciated the women in our lives are. We should always keep our eyes and ears open for any signs of mounting pressures that wives, especially, are called to endure. We find these titans of domestic gymnastics, overcoming endless obstacles day in and day out. For the newlywed, it may appear very easy to become a wife, blissfully in love with her man. Very few cares bind her down. Her life is simple, she may have a job, she may come home do some cooking or light cleaning to make the house presentable for company. She may run to the local gym to enhance her physical appearance (wanting to keep her man continuously interested). She may be in charge of the finances, or enrolled in school, or engaged in several pursuits that seems at this stage to be a minor feat. Now fast forward a few years, and compound all of life's little intricacies. This lovely wife is also a needed mother, with "x" amount of mouths to feed, bottoms to wipe, backs to clothe, and attentions to capture, and minds to cultivate. She is the key source for education, whether the children go to school or not, she will be the motivating force behind how and what they will learn. Her needs for some time to herself, what ever her pursuits are, (reading, hiking, watching a show uninterrupted....) or her needs for some rest and relaxation, or even for adult conversation must all take a back seat to the needs of her children. Too many times the needs of her husband are imposed on her because of his lack of sensitivity to her desires. (IE... He gets home from work and wants to run off to other activities, or lay in front of a TV and watch the latest sports game without being bothered.) It is known that when children are brought into this world, those responsible will have a life changing commitment to sacrifice self for the greater good of their posterity. But their is no reason that our wives should have to go it alone, God only knows that they didn't go it alone to bring them into this world!
We as husbands and fathers ought to relieve the burdens that are caused by daily rituals of child-rearing. (And a good man should be able to do this without being asked to....are you a good man?) Let us seek opportunity to take the children with us on our errands. Let us tend to our own children (which is our responsibility as well) when our wives have activities they would not be able to attend if they were fettered with offspring. Take the time to just voice our gratitude for all the endless hours devoted by our wives. I know what many of you men are thinking, "I work my butt off to put food on the table, I have endless hours and all I ask is that the house be clean, the children bathed and food ready on the table." Well you're a man, so suck it up. When is the last time you saw a manly movie were the hero said "I cant save the day, I have been shot 4 times, I've been running on screen non-stop for two hours, and did you see me get thrown from the truck...ouch? Can't someone else save the day who hasn't been through so much?" I don't think that protagonist would earn much respect in the realm of real men. I know we are all so busy and it seems to never end, but if you think your wife doesn't feel the same way just because she stays at home you are sadly mistaken. (if she is employed on top of all her other duties, you should be groveling at the chance to help her.)
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it" is to compliment your wife on a job well done. (and if you think there is nothing worth complimenting then you need more help than I can offer). Next, is to find a way to let your wife have some time to do those things she really would like to do but can't. Lastly, don't look for the quid pro quo when you have completed the first two. If you do these things (and your wife is in the normal woman category) you will see her willingness to help meet your needs as well. Remember a marriage is never 50/50, one side at any given time will always have to contribute more. Now it is our time to step up and give.

Choose Wisely............Your Friends

We all want them, most of us enjoy them, and some of us need them, but, good friends are hard to come by. How many of us have had bad friend experiences? How many of us have had friends we were really close to but now they seem so distant? ( I dont mean just those from whom we live far away, I mean those we can't relate to anymore!) The question we should ask ourselves should be, "are we the kind of friend we would want to hang out with?" In a world with so many obstacles to overcome, true friends are worth their weight in gold. Here is a set of guidelines that I would set for friends.

1. Your friends ought to share your core beliefs. I do not think that your friends have to agree with you on every point. Sometimes you need them to disagree with you because you could be wrong. You want someone who has their own world views, not just "yes men," but if you select indiviuals who are far off from your core beliefs, (unevenly yoked) you are going to have a miserable time. Some good advice is to choose those with a moral plane that is comparable to yours.

2. Choose friends who are honest! If you know that your friends are dishonest with others, unfaithful, like to gossip, or tear others down, then it will only be a matter of time before they will turn on you. ( And if we are all honest with ourselves, we could all improve in this area!)

3. Choose friends who are not looking for perfection. Since none of us can meet up to these expectations, these friends will be impossible to please. Enough said!

4. When children are involved select those who you believe have good parenting skills. Before children we tend to choose friends based on what activities we like to do, but once we have children we seem to make our choices based on their parenting abilities. Why do we do this? Well, when we start having children they become our world (or at lest they should). We want them to have good friends, learn good behaviors, and we think that the way we are raising them is the best! We don't want someone to come in and undermine that effort.

5. Please, make friends with those who reciprocate your friendship. (If they don't seem to be reciprocating your friendship, it might be a sign that they don't want to be your friend...and that is ok! There are friends out there for those of us who are currently the "friendless outcasts").
I know there are people in the world who are just shy and could use friends who take the initiative to call, or plan activities, but If your friend doesn't even seem to be calling you back, then maybe they are trying to tell you something. (I dont even know if there is a word to "dear John" your friends? Maybe we could call it "dear Pat." My apologies to all readers of this blog named Pat....I guess I just lost some future friends now.)

Most of all, life is too short, so, spend time with those who are true friends indeed.